2011 – 2025

Barnaby Miller, age 14, passed away peacefully on Sunday afternoon, surrounded by his favorite tennis balls and the people who never quite managed to keep him off the couch.

A professional enthusiast, Barnaby specialized in advanced tail-wagging and the tactical acquisition of unattended sandwiches. He was a neighborhood icon, known for his "drive-by" leanings—where he would lean his entire body weight against the legs of unsuspecting joggers to demand ear scratches.

He is survived by his human family, three buried bones he forgot about in the backyard, and the mailman, who is finally safe to deliver packages without being licked to death. Barnaby’s legacy of unconditional love and shedding on every dark-colored garment in the house will never be forgotten.

2007 – 2025

Her Imperial Majesty, Duchess Minerva von Meow, has concluded her 18-year reign over the Miller household. She passed away on her own terms, likely out of spite for the new vacuum cleaner purchased last week.

The Duchess was a master of calculated judgment. She spent her days patrolling the top of the refrigerator and her nights practicing the "Midnight Zoomies," a high-intensity aerobic routine performed exclusively on her owners' chests at 3:00 AM. While she was often aloof, she showed her affection through the occasional gift of a headless catnip mouse and by allowing her humans to occupy precisely 10% of their own King-sized bed.

She leaves behind a vacuum-sealed bag of expensive treats she refused to eat and a sofa that has been "custom-distressed" by her claws. She will be remembered every time a glass of water is left dangerously close to the edge of a table.

1998 - 2025

Gourd, a Gila monster of exceptional patience and prehistoric dignity, has moved on to the great sun-warmed rock in the sky at the impressive age of 27.

Gourd was the undisputed champion of the "Slow-Motion Stare." While most pets demand attention, Gourd commanded respect. He spent nearly three decades perfecting the art of the 12-hour nap, occasionally interrupted by a very deliberate crawl toward a dish of water. He was a creature of habit, a silent observer of family dinners, and a surprisingly effective deterrent for unwanted houseguests.

Gourd is survived by his custom-heated terrarium (his "Penthouse"), a collection of decorative desert skulls, and a family who learned that sometimes, the best companionship is just sitting quietly together in the sun. He was a colorful soul in a bumpy, orange-and-black package.